The Walking Biography

*This story will be rewritten sometime in the future. *

On the train from NYC to Montreal, I was delighted with the presence of a student. French via birth, this person was studying neuroscience in Quebec City. She was wearing a green turtleneck sweater dress with black stockings that matched her black Dr.Martens. Her hair could be considered medium, barely reaching her shoulders, and with a color that reminded me of a Charlie Brown Cymbidium. Her gaze was sublime, with enough potency to match an amazonite stone and protected by circular wire frame glasses.

She took a seat next to me, which I find quite fortunate in retrospect. After a quick exchange of pleasantries and a piece of gum, our conversation took off easily. Like friends, we spoke with each other without the fear of insulting each other. Topics that to me seemed Taboo and yet so private, seemed common to her. The train ride lasted half a day, yet in her company I failed to acknowledge time.

Truthfully, our conversations seemed to range wildly. Afterall, this train lasted for around twelve hours. However, out of conversations two things stuck to me the most. The ever growing need for change and how fear affects us all. 

As explained earlier, the neuroscientist was French. Meaning that she was actively involved in French politics and French culture. While exploring her background, she did state that France was going through a bit of a political problem. This problem was concerning immigration and how poorly the people of France/ the government were handling it. While it is not my place to speak for the people of France, Odessa Believed that the people of France should be more open to the idea of immigration and that the only reason why is often hated by the population is due to the poor handling of the government. 

Hence we came with the idea of change. She explained to me that, most of the government in France was stuck in old laws and older mentalities that are crippling the way people of France live. This mentality might have come from her scientific background as she explained it like this: Just like our body regrows and changes overtime to improve and combat the ever growing diseases and afflictions, so should the French government change to combat the current plagues to ravaged their country. 

That idea was engraved into my mind to a more personal level. As stated before, I was fairly absent on politics. I am practically clueless to their government structure. When Odessa attempted to explain French politics to me, I would argue that a toddler would have better luck at understanding the topic.

However, as she explained her ideology to me, I began to ponder over that idea of change. To what extent we or should we allow ourselves to change?

It is true that life is in a constant state of change. Afterall, if you were to look back at you today, tomorrow and yesterday, they would all be different people even if the change is small. Nature is always adapting to itself and human changes. This can be seen in the study of Geology. Where mountains and lakes were once glaciers and plains. Or in the field of History. While certain events in history are set and stone, our perception of said history will change with said generation and background. An example of this can be seen in Christopher Columbus. First, a renown explorer credited to be the first man to discover North America. Now, most of credentials are gone and he is often labeled as a terrible man. 

While these examples are based on subjects, realistically, I wanted to apply this idea to the self, not only myself but to the aspect of humanity as a whole. 

To me, change is something a lot of people want but yet failed to achieve. It’s true that many wish to change into millionaires or famous actors but never truly reach that status. I wonder why? Sure, these two examples I gave can be considered to be an “extreme of change” but theoretically anything can be possible. This is where Odessa and I began to ponder over the idea of fear. That is often fear that stops us from truly achieving our potential. 

These fears come in all types of flavors, a student might have a fear of making friends due to their overworked academic schedule. A drug addict might be neglectful of their drug problem due to their overconfidence in said drugs and the fear of living without such substances. A man might be afraid of becoming a father due to the idea that he may never fully support his children or he might lose the freedom he might have beforehand. 

More often than not, these fears are arbitrary. Thoughts that crossed our mind and may never truly happen. While these fears speak to our intelligence and survivability,  it also can lead to our downfall. 

I think that saying that we are afraid of “change” is too broad of a topic. What we should be saying is that “we are afraid of the possibility that we might fail or that this change might fail us”. I think governments can be an excellent example of this. Most often than not, governments are unwilling to make certain changes to their policies. Perhaps, the French government is unwilling to advocate for change, not for the lack of ability of changing but for the fear of what these changes might do. If such changes were to happen, many people might be happy with the changes but a fair amount of individuals of equal value might disagree. 

Nevertheless, I think the problem here might be that we as humans think too negatively of certain topics. While I certanly cannot not speak for others, in my world, I see a lot of people unwilling to change. Mainly due to the fear of letting go of comfort. Afterall, everyone wants the perfect body but might change their mind after the first gym session. 

To combat this, I often think of the results I might earn from these changes. Think of the positives and the guarantees, not the arbitrary results. To keep up with the gym examples, think of the results of having a toned body, or having the strength of an ox. Do not think about the looks people might give you or the inexperience you might present. More often than not, these people were just like you once.

Besides, if we were to be avoiding change – does that mean that we are fighting against our nature? I think so.

While I still debate over the nature that is humanity, at the very least I can understand somethings that can make us unhuman. Sure, there are worst things any human can do to be labeled as “unhuman”. But to refrain from change is robbing humanity of all the newer opportunities life can give us. Reality is that, whether these opportunities are good or bad- That is what life is.

Life is beautiful, but sadly never truly stops. Flowers bloom in the spring and wither in the winter. If we freeze in time, and do not catch the train that we call life, we are going to miss the flowers. While flowers will bloom again, it will come with a hefty price of an valuable that cannot be reobtained. Time.

Do not start living tomorrow. Do it today.

nevertheless, Odessa and I reached the end of our journey. The conversation began to slow down at the same pace the train did. Our arrival was pushed deeper into the night and Odessa was fearful that she might lose her ride home. I offered some solutions, including a ticket home via bus, but she seemed adamant in making it to her meeting point. While late, the man picking her up was kind enough to wait for her. 

We waited together in the cold rainy streets of Montreal, looking for the perfect car that matched her details. 

At the moment, I was unable to process how I felt about this interaction. I am content that I have met this person but yet her departure felt poignant. We spent hours talking on the train, about all types of topics. Odessa’s honesty and openness were awe inspiring. Her accent will linger in my mind like a bee will linger around a flower. Our last interaction together, a goodbye hug, will warm me on the coldest of nights. For while Montreal was a cold city, at that very moment the weather did not seem to matter as much.

I only regretted one thing that day. While enchanted by her presence, I failed to make a gesture when she waved goodbye.

Wherever Odessa is, I hope that she is doing well. If tomorrow ever grants me the ability to see her again, I hope to reciprocate the gesture I missed.