Often I ponder over the simplest yet complex of questions: Are we the master of our reality or are we bound by fate to be written as the universe sees fit?
About four years ago, I arrived at a University by the name of Ohio University. Hidden neatly among the Appalachian mountains, a land of freedom was erected. A gateway drug to those who carve the endless pursuit of wisdom and knowledge. An area where I felt like I belonged.
On the very day, I was scheduled to arrive for a college visit. Accompanied by my father and two of my friends, Nick and Jon, We arrived at the Universities’ golden hour. Piles of Golden leaves hid the many walkways and paths. Golden sheets of nature that represent the beauty in decay.
At that time, I was rather indifferent with the change of seasons. For I was stuck in the mindset of a simpleton.
Summers are hot and Winters are cold. Anything else is something in between, why bother?
In those moments, I believed that I had entered heaven. A quick trade of brick homes and buildings instead of clouds. Where angels carry books instead of harps. Where wings can be forged and gained based on your visionary pursuits. For the only rule here is to look into the heavens and reach them.
As the leaves fall so gracefully, like dancers amidst a slow dance, I neglected the vindictive nature of this world. The winsome atmosphere of the campus had calmed my troubled heart at the time. In fact, I could feel it implant something within me. A seed of curiosity, that burrowed deep between my soul. My psyche paraded at this revelation, yet, I did not understand it at the time.
An alien concept, An unimaginable thought, reanimated hope that was hidden deep in my mind. My psyche felt like spring, too early in season, as I was in the fall.
Oblivious to me at the time, Is that my mind was in the autumn. It was the end of an era for me. A hateful time of self destruction and isolation. A season where I discovered that my biggest enemy was myself. On an endless crusade to do everything right on everyone but the self.
As I observed the leaves dance, I pictured myself as a tree. One that was riddled with hurtful poisoned leaves. Stench of malice, like a venomous sap, oozed my porous bark. Thorns on its sides, to prevent those who are foolish and adventurous to reach my foliage.
Yet, Flowers adorned my stump. A mosaic combination of hopeful thoughts and cultivated friendships. I allowed their roots to reach mine, taking away all of my defensive mechanisms. My thorns, my poison, and my swallowed mind. They drained me of all of my nutrients and time.
I began to perish, my psyche taking the biggest toll. For their green hazardous foliage began to tire, and a single leaf collapsed. I was in the process of being reborn.
Returning to our current reality, I pondered. Could it be that my previous suffering and enlightenment dictated by the whims of fate, or did I design this reality? As I watched the early morning sun appear on my windshield, I spoke to myself.
I do not understand if the world truly loves me or hates me. For it allowed me to live when I yearned for tomorrow to never come. For I was a poison tree, and I fear that my malice would harm those around me. In my active campaign to change, I shed the leaves of hostility that I had equipped myself with, inviting all types of critters into my life.
While I truly do not understand what the world sees in me. I am hopeful that I can atone for my previous mistakes. May the fruit I bare be sweet and enlightening, may my core be strong and supporting, may my branches be resourceful and expansive, may the shade I provide be helpful and inviting.
As I arrived at my destination, I concluded my thoughts with this.
May one day people see the golden path that I had shed, and understand that we live not by the bounds of fate but we exist by its rules. Humans have the ability to alter their world but not the world. Power comes to those who can alter their reality to see the beauty in death and rebirth.
As I opened my trunk, I took a deep breath. It was “move in day”, and my biggest adventure is about to start. Grabbing all my boxes from my car, I began to prepare myself for University.
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